The Adios Max commercial is a good lesson in how to make a memorable advert, all you have to do is get a hot model to dance around in her knickers.

Of course, the end result also happens to be that you've completely missed your target audience, most of whom are women too fat to get out of bed let alone dance down the street, and not guys like the one in the advert or the ones watching at home, who just happen to appreciate a nice bum in some stripy pants.

Adios is supposed to be the UK's best-selling slimming tablet “helping women everywhere to say 'Adios' to weight they don't want!” Who knew that the side-effects would be the attentions of a nosey old woman and the unfortunate habit of forgetting to wear your skirt when you go out.  Whoops!

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Take Adios Max and risk dancing down the street in your knickers. It must be the Adios effect!

Doctors, the BBC's Birmingham-based afternoon soap opera, made its début in high definition today with an episode entitled 'Defining Happy', marking a first for the BBC, their first HD soap.

I already know what you're thinking... why Doctors?  Yes, there are far preferable and more deserving subjects of the HD treatment, for example, the BBC's HD sport output is woeful and a few more movies wouldn't hurt, but in reality Doctors has been produced in high definition for some time, it just hasn't been broadcast in HD – another one of those weird things the BBC do – so moving the programme onto the HD channel won't have had any real impact on the production budget.  Additional good news, as you can hopefully tell from our example clip, is that the image quality is actually of a really high standard with lots of bold, saturated colours and almost completely free of noise.  HD standards at the BBC are improving of late and this is a good illustration of that.

This is series ten of Doctors and the current cast includes veterans of the programme Stirling Gallacher and Diane Keen, but some return viewers hoping for a feast of high definition loveliness will be disappointed to learn that both Sarah Manners and Corrinne Wicks (aka Dr. Norks, currently touring in The Holly and The Ivy) have left the show - in 2001 and 2005 and respectively.

Doctors is often described as “comfort television”, the sort of thing you'd only usually watch if you're at home sick, unemployed or a student.  Because there are a couple of new stories every day and a lot of guest performers, the show doesn't have the greatest reputation for its acting, but in fairness some of the issues they tackle are sensitively treated and there's none of the gratuitous blood and guts you'll see in Holby City or Casualty.

Because the regular 1:45pm slot on BBC One is outside BBC HD's broadcasting hours, Doctors is being shown in HD at 6pm (with a late night repeat).  Whether it'll hold an early evening audience remains to be seen, although the HD showing of Hollyoaks on Channel 4 HD immediately after might help.

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Doctors, the BBC soap set in Birmingham, makes its début in high definition.

Pace Sky+ HD receivers are being recalled by Sky.  Customers who own certain revisions of the Pace TDS850NB are being contacted directly by Sky with regards to a potential fault uncovered during testing, that may manifest itself in the future.

When I spoke to a member of the Sky Technical team earlier today, he would not divulge the details of what the fault might involve, but did assure me that it was not a matter of health and safety, and that it did not involve any issues of a hazardous nature (early suggestions are that it is hard-disk related).  Neither could he reveal which specific batch of Pace Sky HD boxes are being recalled, although according to our own initial research, many of them appear to have been purchased through the recent Tesco promotion and are version 9F3002 or 9F3003, 1.614.

For those with boxes that are affected, and reports suggest the number may be in excess of seven thousand, Sky are offering an engineer visit to install a replacement, together with a new twelve month guarantee and three free months of Sky HD subscription.  Unfortunately, Sky are not able to say whether the replacement box will be a Thomson, Samsung, Amstrad or another Pace, or whether it will be a refurbished item.

This puts owners of affected Pace Sky+ HD receivers in an awkward position; either hang onto a (currently) fully-functioning box knowing that it might develop a fault of unknown nature in the future, or arrange a replacement for what might turn out to have lip-sync or noise issues or perhaps worse still, a refurbished Thomson. The box swap is optional, not mandatory.

If you don't know what brand of HD receiver you own or what revision it is, those details can be determined via “Services” -> “System Setup” -> “System Details” from the on-screen menus.

Given that many consider the Pace to be one of the better Sky+ HD boxes, this recall will come a something of a surprise, although confidence in the build quality of previous Sky HD boxes has never been particularly high.

Important Update 15/02/2009

Four days after we broke this story, Sky have finally provided an official announcement that helps clarify the situation. All the information we originally posted was correct, but the news is worse than we originally thought.  Ninety thousand Pace Sky+ HD receivers are being recalled over a period of approximately twelve weeks.  They are all those produced as part of the first batch: versions 9F3001, 9F3002, 9F3003 and 9F3004. As we initially suspected, some of those who have already had engineer visits have been offered Thomson Sky+HD boxes as replacements.

The Sky statement explains that: “The issue relates to the way in which some of the boxes in the batch were assembled. In particular, it involves the internal cabling and the quality of the connections between components. This means that the build quality of the box may not meet Sky’s standards. The assembly flaw does not involve a faulty component, such as a hard drive, or a software problem. Importantly, Pace has confirmed that the assembly flaw does not pose a safety risk.”

The full text of the Sky statement can be found at: Pace Sky+ HD boxes

Iggy Pop advertising Swiftcover.com has to be the most off-putting thing on television at the moment.  Just when you're enjoying a relaxing evening of cricket, or are embroiled in the latest scandal to hit Emmerdale, up pops Iggy, who at 61, already looks like a hideous mediaeval gargoyle that someone has dunked in a vat of chip fat.  It's enough to make you spit out your tea and grab for the remote.

According to studies, the most effective advertising is often the most annoying, those commercials we just love to hate, but I wonder what market penetration an advert has when it's so visually offensive as to have everyone hitting the “off” button?

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Two versions of Iggy Pop's Swiftcover.com commercial.  One is usually more than we can stomach.  Do us all a favour and put your shirt on granddad!

Ross Kemp: Return to Afghanistan made its début this week on Sky 1 and Sky 1 HD.  Last year Kemp travelled to Helmand Province with the Royal Anglian Regiment and now, almost a year on, this five-part series sees him return to the area and the fighting around the town of Musa Qala, which has been in and out of the Taliban's control over recent years.

As was the case with the original series, Ross Kemp is a brave, insightful and sensitive reporter who conveys the fear, bravery and hardships of the British soldiers of 16 Air Assault Brigade who are based in the region and comprise 1Delta Company, the Argyll and Sutherland Highlanders and the 1st Battalion of the Royal Irish Regiment.  He has clearly earned their respect and as such is treated very much as one of the team, which only serves to heighten the emotional impact the programme has on its viewer, whether that be excitement, disbelief or just plain horror.

Sky describe the series as “unmissable”, and they're right.  In the first of the series Kemp was joined by almost a million viewers, a five-fold increase on the average number during 2008 for the same slot, and I'd expect equally strong figures for the remaining parts, airing at 10pm each Sunday.

In a recent documentary, a member of a Liverpool gang who was too cowardly even to even show his face, told Kemp that “it sh*ts on Afghanistan 'round here,” before running away at the first sign of a police car.  I'm sure our men out in Helmand could teach that boy a thing or two.

Jade Ewen will represent the UK in the 2009 Eurovision Song Contest after she was chosen by viewers of the BBC's Your Country Needs You ahead of The Twins, Francine and Nicola Gleadall.  Shoehorned into the finals at the last minute having side-stepped the audition phase and personally championed by creepy Andrew Lloyd Webber, Jade seemed to be the favoured choice the moment she first appeared on the programme, and of course, as is inevitable, this has resulted in claims that the whole competition was fixed.  But honestly, do we really care?

Written by Andrew Lloyd Webber (music) and Diane Warren (lyrics), It's My Time, the song Jade will perform in Moscow, had been built up for months to be the UK's magic bullet, a wondrous composition that would shock the entire Eastern Block with its brilliance and once again make us masters of all we musically survey. Null points and finishing last would be a thing of the past.

Well forget about that.  After just the first rendition we knew It's My Time was truly dreadful.  A clichéd power ballad, it goes nowhere musically and is dogged yet further by lyrics that are repetitive and bland.

“Tonight, tonight, it's my time, it's my time, my moment... My time, it's my time, there's nothing I'm afraid of, I'll show you what I'm made of, show you all it's my time now.”  It is instantly forgettable, tragically dated and the screeching climax is just asking for trouble from an amateur performer.  That last point really doesn't matter though, roll out the Beatles, Pavarroti, Elvis, nobody could turn such an awful song into a winner.  According to Lloyd Webber as quoted in the Daily Mail: “I'd had an idea for it and I played Diane what I thought was the chorus. She said, 'No, I don't think you've got a chorus, I think it's a verse.' I thought, 'Oh dear, this is a bad start.' But once I got over that we had pretty much done it. So the whole thing took about two hours.”  And it shows, horribly.  Ironic that it has taken literally months to find a performer, but their song was hastily written on the back of a napkin.  A cynical viewer would think that the whole thing was just another vehicle for the BBC to earn yet more revenue from a show geared around telephone voting.

But let's look on the bright side, here's Jade Ewen being announced the winner, reprising the song, and cracking up completely whilst doing so.  Let's hope she does something similar during the Eurovision Song Contest itself, then at least it would have some added comedy value.

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Attractive!  Buckets of tears, runny nose and hysterics, it can only be yet another TV talent contest winner.  This time, it's Jade Ewen, who will attempt to win the 2009 Eurovision Song Contest with a dreadful composition by Andrew Lloyd Webber and Diane Warren.  Good luck with that one!