Telly Toad hates grass. He feeds on the good, bad and ugly world of European television and celebrity.
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Written by TV Critic, posted on 2. July 2009, 15:46

Kierston Wareing and Charlotte RileyMartina Cole's The Take concluded last night on Sky 1 and Sky 1 HD. Billed as a gritty four-part drama it was certainly that, surpassing even The Sopranos when it came to blood, gore and sheer, downright nastiness.

Essentially a story about seedy, underworld crime, the action centered around Freddie, a psychopath if ever there was one, his dysfunctional family and their own emotional breakdowns into violence, alcoholism and drug abuse. Aside from countless murders (including child fratricide) committed with an unnerving level of venom, Cole also included torture, graphic rape and various instances of grievous bodily harm, which left victims in a vegetative state.  Sounds like fun, doesn't it?

And yet, even though the writing lacked depth and its objective was clearly to shock, Sky's translation to the small screen was strangely compelling, largely due to the performance of Tom Hardy as Freddie, who absolutely nailed the role of psychotic, drug-addled thug.

Back when I was in high school, sitting behind me in maths class was a boy we called “Cocker”. He wasn't a bully, in fact if you were brave enough to get to know him he was actually quite sensitive with an engaging character, but he could turn, and he'd get a look in his eye that would strike fear into the whole school, teachers included.  Everyone walked on egg-shells because of it. I haven't seen that look since 1986, until now, because Tom Hardy's Freddie had the same menace.

Kierston Wareing as the constantly disheveled (and rather snotty) Jackie and Charlotte Riley as sister Maggie both fared well, although there were a few weak scenes between them, probably as a result of having to continually cry on-cue, which was what both women spent most of their time doing.  As Jimmy, the fourth lead, Shaun Evans was perhaps the least convincing of the quartet, but only due to the lack of character development on the part of the writer, an area illustrated by the naming of the major characters; Jackie, Maggie, Jimmy, Freddie, Ozzy...

At times it was all too easy to pick flaws in the story, such as the lack of accountability for all the crimes committed (floods of blood and a trail of evidence that a blind policeman could follow) with no sign of the law, but it was also easy to forgive such flaws on the back of Tom Hardy's performance, which constantly stole the show, including the only hint at humour. Explaining to his young son why he has to go and live with grandma: “I dont wanna go!” “I know, but you have to, because otherwise uncle Jimmy is going to kill you, right? Do you understand?”

Production values were excellent throughout with some notably polished cinematography benefiting from a sparkling high definition image. Only once was there any noticeable digital manipulation (applied to blur away the spots on actress Charlotte Riley's chin, such are the perils of HD), otherwise it was clean, grain-free and full of detail. Over 600,000 tuned in for the final, which is quite a healthy number for a subscription channel and drama that wasn't likely to be to everyone's taste.

Kudos to Sky for venturing into an area typically dominated by the BBC and ITV, and in many areas outdoing them.  Homegrown drama, produced in high-definition, is to be encouraged, and with Martina Cole's The Take, the cast, Company Pictures, Warner Sisters and Sky's production team turned a rather distasteful, bland book into compelling, stylish and some would say unmissable television.

Tom Hardy and Shaun Evans

 
Tom Hardy and Shaun Evans in Martina Cole's The Take, gritty drama from Sky 1.

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Written by Jason, posted on 28. June 2009, 15:59

Here's something you don't expect to see at prime-time on a major satellite channel, a cheesy commercial more at home in your local flea-pit.

C&A Building Plastics have enlisted the help of Miss Medway Messenger (we're guessing, but it's the local rag in Gillingham), some chroma key and Photoshop work and come up with something that's brilliant, in a dreadful sort-of way! “Ahh... Oooh,” the wonders of plastic molding.

Their last advert – which surprisingly didn't make it to a wide audience – featured a busty blonde in a catsuit, but for this version things are a little more PC than PVC, hence the wider exposure.

Norwich Union, sorry, Avivia, spent 13.4 million dollars on their latest campaign.  What a waste.  All they needed was a few basic effects, a local beauty queen and a naff jingle!

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C&A Building Plastic's commercial, wonderfully naff.

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Written by Jason, posted on 24. February 2009, 14:28

The Adios Max commercial is a good lesson in how to make a memorable advert, all you have to do is get a hot model to dance around in her knickers.

Of course, the end result also happens to be that you've completely missed your target audience, most of whom are women too fat to get out of bed let alone dance down the street, and not guys like the one in the advert or the ones watching at home, who just happen to appreciate a nice bum in some stripy pants.

Adios is supposed to be the UK's best-selling slimming tablet “helping women everywhere to say 'Adios' to weight they don't want!” Who knew that the side-effects would be the attentions of a nosey old woman and the unfortunate habit of forgetting to wear your skirt when you go out.  Whoops!

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Take Adios Max and risk dancing down the street in your knickers. It must be the Adios effect!

Currently rated 4.8 by 13 people

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Written by Jason, posted on 8. February 2009, 20:42

Iggy Pop advertising Swiftcover.com has to be the most off-putting thing on television at the moment.  Just when you're enjoying a relaxing evening of cricket, or are embroiled in the latest scandal to hit Emmerdale, up pops Iggy, who at 61, already looks like a hideous mediaeval gargoyle that someone has dunked in a vat of chip fat.  It's enough to make you spit out your tea and grab for the remote.

According to studies, the most effective advertising is often the most annoying, those commercials we just love to hate, but I wonder what market penetration an advert has when it's so visually offensive as to have everyone hitting the “off” button?

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Two versions of Iggy Pop's Swiftcover.com commercial.  One is usually more than we can stomach.  Do us all a favour and put your shirt on granddad!

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Written by Jason, posted on 29. December 2008, 01:09

Pringles Select, “it's in a bag, it's in a bag, which is amazing!” gushes the dizzy woman in the advert.

Amazing; adjective, so remarkable as to elicit disbelief.

The discovery of Saturn's rings by Galileo Galilei was amazing, the aurora borealis is amazing, the temperature of Earth's iron-nickel alloy inner-core is amazing, putting crisps in a bag is not.  Get a grip for goodness sake.

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Currently rated 4.3 by 3 people

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Written by Jason, posted on 2. August 2008, 02:45

Charlotte Mounter, former price-drop, bid-up and speed-auction TV presenter has been absent from our screens of late, so imagine our surprise when she popped up in the latest commercial for Moonpig Cards.

It’s a shame really, Charlotte was one of the better shopping television presenters and we’d much rather she was selling us curtains, bath towels and Maasai figurines than many of the current hosts.

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“Upload a photo to become part of the design...” this one features Charlotte Mounter, complete with personalised text. 

Currently rated 4.7 by 3 people

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