MGM HD and E4 HD are the latest additions to the Sky line-up of high definition channels, both being officially added to the EPG earlier today.

There's a sense of déjà vu however, because once again a new HD channel is blighted by a huge and obnoxious on-screen digital graphic (DOG), or logo, stuck in one corner.  Telly Toad readers will remember our reaction to Disney's huge on-screen logo when their HD channel first launched, and thankfully it was eventually toned down (but is still far from ideal).  Now MGM is following suit, with a huge, bold “MGM HD” logo stuck on top of all their programming.

Now let's be clear here, the partnership between Sky and MGM is a good one, we can look forward to a 24-hour-a-day schedule of classic movies that have all been remastered for HD broadcast, but not with that huge, obnoxious logo stuck in the corner!

MGM HD's huge on-screen logo blights the launch night's showing of the Pink Panther movies. With any luck, Joanna Lumley will start a campaign to have it removed.

Here's something you don't expect to see at prime-time on a major satellite channel, a cheesy commercial more at home in your local flea-pit.

C&A Building Plastics have enlisted the help of Miss Medway Messenger (we're guessing, but it's the local rag in Gillingham), some chroma key and Photoshop work and come up with something that's brilliant, in a dreadful sort-of way! “Ahh... Oooh,” the wonders of plastic molding.

Their last advert – which surprisingly didn't make it to a wide audience – featured a busty blonde in a catsuit, but for this version things are a little more PC than PVC, hence the wider exposure.

Norwich Union, sorry, Avivia, spent 13.4 million dollars on their latest campaign.  What a waste.  All they needed was a few basic effects, a local beauty queen and a naff jingle!

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C&A Building Plastic's commercial, wonderfully naff.

Maxwell Caulfield plays Mark Wylde in Emmerdale, and what a great comedy character he's turning out to be.  If we're not playing “spot the join,” a new game that involves pointing out where his toupee starts and ends (we know you're going bald so that wig isn't fooling anyone Maxwell), we're laughing heartily at his cringe-worthy acting.

Tonight's episode summed up his complete lack of acting skills to a tee.  In the clip, watch out for his comedy double-take, his funny walk into Home Farm, the excruciating effort at despair – at least we think that's what he's trying to convey – and then all the staggering around.  When an actor can't even walk convincingly, then you know you've got problems.

Maxwell Caulfield's credits include Grease 2 (dreadful movie), The Colbys (dreadful Dynasty spin-off) and now the run of form continues in Emmerdale, with some dreadful acting.  Perhaps he was chosen as the only person who could make Kim Thomson look good.  She'll be playing the mystery woman in the car, in case you were wondering.

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Maxwell Caulfield stops off in Emmerdale on his way to remedial acting class.

Iggy Pop advertising Swiftcover.com has to be the most off-putting thing on television at the moment.  Just when you're enjoying a relaxing evening of cricket, or are embroiled in the latest scandal to hit Emmerdale, up pops Iggy, who at 61, already looks like a hideous mediaeval gargoyle that someone has dunked in a vat of chip fat.  It's enough to make you spit out your tea and grab for the remote.

According to studies, the most effective advertising is often the most annoying, those commercials we just love to hate, but I wonder what market penetration an advert has when it's so visually offensive as to have everyone hitting the “off” button?

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Two versions of Iggy Pop's Swiftcover.com commercial.  One is usually more than we can stomach.  Do us all a favour and put your shirt on granddad!

Jade Ewen will represent the UK in the 2009 Eurovision Song Contest after she was chosen by viewers of the BBC's Your Country Needs You ahead of The Twins, Francine and Nicola Gleadall.  Shoehorned into the finals at the last minute having side-stepped the audition phase and personally championed by creepy Andrew Lloyd Webber, Jade seemed to be the favoured choice the moment she first appeared on the programme, and of course, as is inevitable, this has resulted in claims that the whole competition was fixed.  But honestly, do we really care?

Written by Andrew Lloyd Webber (music) and Diane Warren (lyrics), It's My Time, the song Jade will perform in Moscow, had been built up for months to be the UK's magic bullet, a wondrous composition that would shock the entire Eastern Block with its brilliance and once again make us masters of all we musically survey. Null points and finishing last would be a thing of the past.

Well forget about that.  After just the first rendition we knew It's My Time was truly dreadful.  A clichéd power ballad, it goes nowhere musically and is dogged yet further by lyrics that are repetitive and bland.

“Tonight, tonight, it's my time, it's my time, my moment... My time, it's my time, there's nothing I'm afraid of, I'll show you what I'm made of, show you all it's my time now.”  It is instantly forgettable, tragically dated and the screeching climax is just asking for trouble from an amateur performer.  That last point really doesn't matter though, roll out the Beatles, Pavarroti, Elvis, nobody could turn such an awful song into a winner.  According to Lloyd Webber as quoted in the Daily Mail: “I'd had an idea for it and I played Diane what I thought was the chorus. She said, 'No, I don't think you've got a chorus, I think it's a verse.' I thought, 'Oh dear, this is a bad start.' But once I got over that we had pretty much done it. So the whole thing took about two hours.”  And it shows, horribly.  Ironic that it has taken literally months to find a performer, but their song was hastily written on the back of a napkin.  A cynical viewer would think that the whole thing was just another vehicle for the BBC to earn yet more revenue from a show geared around telephone voting.

But let's look on the bright side, here's Jade Ewen being announced the winner, reprising the song, and cracking up completely whilst doing so.  Let's hope she does something similar during the Eurovision Song Contest itself, then at least it would have some added comedy value.

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Attractive!  Buckets of tears, runny nose and hysterics, it can only be yet another TV talent contest winner.  This time, it's Jade Ewen, who will attempt to win the 2009 Eurovision Song Contest with a dreadful composition by Andrew Lloyd Webber and Diane Warren.  Good luck with that one!

Francis Wilson, weather presenter for Sky News is officially... the worst weather presenter in the history of broadcasting.  We've all discussed it at length and come to the conclusion that he is either completely clueless, plays some sort of perverse game which involves inventing new ways to use words and phrases that make absolutely no sense whatsoever, or both.  There are four facets to his forecasts (can you tell we've spent far too much time on this?):

His first trick is to spend as little time as possible predicting what the weather will be like in the future (hard) and spend as much of the forecast as possible telling us what the weather has been like over the past twenty-four hours (easy).

His second trick - and we can't be sure if he's doing this just to win a bet - is to open a thesaurus at a random page, pick a word and try to use it in his forecast.  One day that word was “bash”, so we were expecting “a bash of rain.”  Chunk?  Oh, that's a good one.  “Today, in the north of Scotland, there'll be scattered clouds and chunks of sunshine.”

Third, Francis likes to demonstrate to the viewers that he can count.  “Temperatures overnight will be seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve.”

Not one to become stuck in a rut - he's only been a weatherman since 1978 - Francis has recently added a fourth string to his bow, namely finding new ways to mangle the English language.

“Much less cold winds beginning to wake up.”  “The winds starting to get up to bring less cold weather our way.”  “As the weekend goes on, well so the less cold weather gets right in everywhere.”

What?!  The word is “warmer,” for goodness sake.  There's no such thing as “less cold.”  If temperatures increase the weather will be “warmer.”

Our video is a particularly eclectic example of the Wilson art as he starts this forecast with a Disney Club “Hi!”, then follows it with an impression of Ron Manager from the Fast Show.  “It's a far cry from small boys in the park.  Jumpers for goalposts.  Isn't it?  Mmm?  Marvellous.”

It's high time Sky handed Francis Wilson his pension and put us all out of our misery.  Their team is full of outstanding weather presenters, headed by the peerless Isobel Lang, so why we need to suffer Francis for one moment longer is anybody's guess.

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Francis Wilson, the world's worst weather presenter.  Ever.  He's probably wearing that dreadful test-card tie for a bet too...