From time to time, you'll probably realise that the news reporter you're watching simply hasn't a clue what they're talking about.  If you don't know what to look for, then here's a good example from Helena Wilkinson, reporting on BBC Breakfast.

Apart from the fact that the reason there's no sign of Kevin Peitersen is because it looks like she's standing in the Pink Elephant long stay car park, which is miles away from Heathrow's terminal buildings, the tell-tale traits of a clueless reporter are her “what they heck am I saying?” expression and... The. Slow. Deliberate. Truncated. Delivery.  ...which of course, gives her time to try to remember what she's cribbed from the Internet and scribbled in her notes.

Clueless reporter spotting makes for a fun spectator sport, give it a try and let us know when you see another!

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The BBC's Helena Wilkinson provides a good example of a clueless reporter at work.

Pringles Select, “it's in a bag, it's in a bag, which is amazing!” gushes the dizzy woman in the advert.

Amazing; adjective, so remarkable as to elicit disbelief.

The discovery of Saturn's rings by Galileo Galilei was amazing, the aurora borealis is amazing, the temperature of Earth's iron-nickel alloy inner-core is amazing, putting crisps in a bag is not.  Get a grip for goodness sake.

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Disney Cinemagic HD launched today via the Sky platform, but the output is blighted by the most obnoxious digital on-screen graphic (DOG) of any of the UK's high definition channels.

Disney's standard-definition channels are widely considered the worst offenders when it comes to on-screen logos, with their intrusive positioning and screen-burning, solid primary colours, but their HD version is even more offensive, what with it being both huge and super-imposed upon what is supposed to be their premium offering.  Sure, it has slight transparency, but imagine going to see Snow White at the cinema and finding a huge pair of green Mickey Mouse ears occupying the lower left hand portion of the screen.

Here's the logo over a programme called Kim Possible.  That girl could have somebody's eye out, but I digress, click for a version at the original broadcast size...

...and just when you thought things couldn't get any worse, the same DOG repositioned in the 4:3 frame for the upscaled SD cartoon series, Tarzan. Well, at least it is in the correct aspect ratio.

There's a good chance that Disney's classic films (old and new) will be shown with this logo, in which case we'll be boycotting the channel.

UPDATE: This weekend's HD première of Pixar's Ratatouille was broadcast with a repositioned, slightly smaller and more opaque version of the logo. An improvement so perhaps someone at Disney is listening, but it's still far too distracting and intrusive.

If, like me, you feel like complaining, here are a couple of useful links:

E-mail Disney Cinemagic in the UK: feedback@disneycinemagic.co.uk
Sky Viewer Relations: Website Form (it's not really Sky's fault but every little helps)

Claire Nasir, GMTV weather presenter and part-time producer, is usually immaculately dressed, but for some strange reason, this morning she decided to push the boundaries of good fashion sense with the type of outfit not usually seen on early morning TV.

We're told this look is commonly known as “naughty schoolgirl”, and can see why. The St. Trinian's uniform of white shirt, short black skirt and porn star heels would be out-of-place on breakfast TV at the best of times, but especially so when worn by a woman who is fast approaching forty and whose figure is beginning to resemble the shape of a beer barrel.  Perhaps she tottered into work straight from a fancy dress party and this is the start of a recurring theme - gorilla costume, stripper and Wonder Woman next - or perhaps it's an attempt to bolster GMTV's ratings.

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Claire Nasir débuts her “naughty schoolgirl” outfit on GMTV. Sexy, or just trashy?

If it wasn’t bad enough that signed for the deaf programming is banished to the middle of the night, Sky appear to have employed two-ton Tessie to provide sign on their HD movie channels.

Last night’s broadcast of ‘Rise’ was blighted by a signing presenter who owned more screen real estate than the Duke of Westminster.  Many deaf people find the way sign is presented to be intrusive, and there’s certainly no excuse for putting such a large lady right in the middle of our screens, especially as the 4:3 ‘safe area’ really doesn’t apply to HD broadcasts.

Margo Harshman is about to be eaten by vampires, but her biggest worry is the fat woman standing on her shoulder signing for the deaf on Sky Movies.

Zezi Ifore is proof positive that anyone, no matter how inept they are, can become a television presenter with the help of some misplaced media attention.  Zezi (rhymes with lazy, or crazy) who regularly appears on E4 Music and Freshly Squeezed, previously edited fashion magazine Super Super… with a crayon if her on-screen personality is any guide.  Supposedly educated at Oxford University, she gives the impression of someone who would be under qualified for entry into a special school.

She’s a truly awful presenter and a shocking sight at seven o’clock in the morning, but that hasn’t stopped Channel 4 giving her the job of co-presenting Big Brother’s Little Brother in place of Dermot O’Leary.  Why for goodness sake?

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Zezi Ifore (right, with Rick Edwards) goes off-script on Freshly Squeezed.  Where do they find these people?